God's voice

I am fortunate enough to believe in God.  I have been guided by many of His angels on earth.  My own life is one of transformation from hopeless darkness, to believing in someone else's faith in God, to knowing the love of God is mine, no matter what. 

What has inspired this writing today is a Catholic Monsignor named Don Fischer (Msgr. Don) and his weekly radio show. I have heard his voice for going on 30 years, beginning when Denise would drag me to church with her at the University of Dallas in Irving.  I am sure I listened but I did not hear. I remembered the sound of his voice and that it was without judgement.

Years later, I came to my breaking point.  I wanted to stop my destructive behavoir.  I stopped drinking with a lot of help and self-searching. It wasn't easy.  I felt I wasn't worth God's love because of who I had become and what I had done. I was given a belief that God doesn't judge, people have a monopoly on that. This faith absolutely works for me.  And it is freeing.

So, my first roommate, Jeannette, re-introduced me to, then, Father Fischer and his weekly program Sundays on 101.1 at 10:30 a.m.  I listened religously (pun intended) for years even taping the episodes for future times. Yesterday, the link "appeared" on my browser bar and I opened it.  I didn't have time to listen to it yesterday, but I did today.

The message was of forgiving.  Allowing yourself to forgive instead of resenting (re-living the hurt) as you are the benefactor of the act.  You are free of the poison you took hoping the other person would die.  It was perfect for today. Perfection. God is always on time.

I am still warmed by the words he chooses and how he interprets the gospel into real, today language.  It is always in the language of God's love for us. I am astonished at the gentle power of Msgr. Don's message.  I don't practice a religion, his program is the closest thing to it for me. I can believe in the God he represents when often I am mentally arguing with other's representation.

This is the description on Msgr. Don's program on the website http://www.pastoralreflectionsinstitute.com/ . 

For more than twenty-five years, a spirit-led message has flowed through Pastoral Reflections, a weekly radio program reflecting on the Liturgy of the Word for each Sunday. Listeners awaken to a Heart-Presence as they identify with Monsignor Don's journey of self discovery. A message rooted in the recognition that as believers we are called to accept our human condition and its perfect compliment, the indwelling presence of a loving God. As one who longs 'to see', Msgr. Don has always looked for the story within the story, the hidden teaching of Christ, which rather than telling us what to do or what to believe, heals and transforms us. As one of his listeners wrote,"He speaks not about the truth, rather his words resonate with the Truth". Many who listen are moved to bring this healing resonance of God’s love into the world and to live an authentic life of service in Christ.

I am hooked, again.  And, you can listen from anywhere in the world.

Good Morning MONDAY!

  Jeff, my husband, left early this morning for his first business trip with Dell, his new employer.  He used to travel quite a bit several years ago.  This is good and bad.  Bad part: he isn't here.  Good part: he isn't here. 

Let me explain.  I love him to my tippy toes.  He does pitch in when asked to and, frankly, I need help with the kids and I love having a dinner companion other then the little people.  However, (you knew this was coming) for a few days,  I can look at my junk and twirl it around, gaze adoringly, and envision the junk turned into dollar signs or dust collectors or other fabulous re purposed treasures.  Jeff just sees junk.  He has voiced his adamant disapproval of the clutter I have created.  That makes me nervous.  I don't want to stop acquiring my "treasures" and *gasp* get a real job.  That is what his displeasure means to me...forced into real labor, again.  No, thanks very much.  

I love creating.  I re purpose tins and albums people were potentially going to throw away.  I love my Tuesday night jewelry class. I love taking, picking up, and being involved with my children and at their schools.  I enjoy my days unfettered by restrictions, mostly.  I am in my element.    

Perhaps, I am getting ahead of myself.  I think so.  Joy, God, and love are in this moment with whatever is put in front of me, today.  My mission is to focus on this moment.  With reminders, God guidance, and the people I surround myself with, I can be the best me I can - one minute at a time.  I have people who inspire me to push forward (Tara Tosta, an ultra runner, www.mommysarunner.blogspot.com and the women of the aforementioned jewelry class, and my closest friends), not matter what the obstacle; usually my own thoughts. Optimism feels better than fear. 

So, I will enjoy a couple of days husbandless and, I am sure, Jeff will enjoy some quiet evenings without two screaming banshees.  It is a trade-off but most of life is. 

He's off and I'm in.



New OOAK anodized aluminum earrings, VERY lightweight
http://www.etsy.com/listing/80219093/half-moon-anodized-aluminum-wire-wrapped

I dropped Brendan off for his first day about 30 minutes ago, posted the Facebook picture and here I sit.  Audrey is still asleep and here I sit.  Should I be crying about my baby boy happily and confidently walking away from me to the big world of 1st grade?  I think not but there are tears in my eyes none the less.

When I went off to school, I know I sobbed until I was going in to 6th grade.  I was terrified of change.  Okay, I was scared of my own shadow.  I did not seem to possess the ability to talk and interact with people outside my family.  To see Brendan walking away, without looking back at me, does make me proud of Jeff and I for giving him something that allows him the confidence not to be afraid of the next chapter in life.  He said he was excited because he would meet new friends.  What a deal.



So, yesterday, I check my e-mail hungrily awaiting news of whether I am in as vendor for the Funky Finds holiday event in November.  What I got was an invoice for the price of a booth. I'm in, I'm in!  After a couple of "thank you" but "no, thank you's"  I was feeling rejected.  I didn't want to post my rejection, that is no fun, but since I was accepted to a show I can rejoice the good tidings!  And, to tell the truth about how I felt.  You know, it would have been all right had I not gotten in to Funky Finds 'cause God has THE plan and it isn't necessarily what I think is best for me.  It just is.  With that being said, thank you GOD for this opportunity!  May I serve you well.

http://www.funkyfinds.com/events 

Get your shoes on.

I know I keep mentioning the fact that Brendan will be off to First Grade on Monday.  He is my first and my little boy with so much confidence that I fear for his feelings.  I know, too motherly/smothering. We met the teacher last night and discovered there are twenty something other little souls in the class.  Will he get lost, misbehave, or get his feeling hurt?  Probably.  But isn't that a part of growing up?

Speaking of feelings getting hurt... I had a moment, actually, a couple of days this week when I was doubting myself and what the heck I am doing making jewelry with all the masses.  Well, I do it because I love it. To. My. Core. I spent many years intoxicated and unable to tap my inner resources, never mind be creative.  When God gave me a chance to renew myself, I stumbled along, but I changed.  I keep changing, which means growing pains.  Which also means I do the work and leave the results up to God.  I must trust God to care for Brendan as he starts big-boy school.  I must trust God to guide me on my journey.  He hasn't let me down, yet.

You know what faith is? Walking through the fear to the other side. I better get my shoes on.